Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
