I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
