my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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