just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
