just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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