i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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