I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
