but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
