My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
