Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
