I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
