If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
