pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize