Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
