no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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