i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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