oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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