im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
