I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
