I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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