Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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