As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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