I hate all girls vehemently.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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