The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
