wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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