So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
