Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
