Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
