Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize