Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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