Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
What drink are we having for lunch?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
