he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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