one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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