I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
