Ketchup is God's man juice
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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