the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
