I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
