I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
