her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
