theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
