how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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