I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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