People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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