i barfeds in our rink
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I touched a dick in church today
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
