Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
