I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
