my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
