Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
