Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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