census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
