finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You pole danced in your parka.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
