He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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