help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
