a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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