"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She even gives head with a lisp.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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