if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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