im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
