Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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