i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
