I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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