Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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