It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
