so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
