I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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