I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
