I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
