so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's never too late to be topless.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
