i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
