I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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