So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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