who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
