Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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