I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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