My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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