I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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