Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
