I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
