420 ftw
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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