Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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