we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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