I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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