Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
