awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
