someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
