i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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