so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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