I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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