He told me they were just razor bumps!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
