the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
