Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
