why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
