I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
