I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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