I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
