Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
