Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
