Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize