imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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