Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I pour the whiskey from now on
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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