My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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